my poetry

                     there’s                 to care

       for once            someone             for me

but                 that                     isn’t

for once

there’s someone

to care for me

but for once

that someone

isn’t

for me

//

my first attempt at poetry like this. i’ve included both versions in case you can’t figure out the first one. link if the top one isn’t working for you.

not because i’m weak

but because there’s no other way to get through.

waves crash / rain falls / rivers rush.

when the fog clears away,

after all the tricks vanish,

and my disguise disappears,

it’s just me.

alone.

what i’ve hated

finally starts

to roll away.

and disappear.

i’ve learned to live with the pain.

for i don’t think there’s another way.

if only, i learned not to speak,

for i think this could be avoided.

but i don’t believe

that you even care,

anyways.

so yes,

i’ve learned to love the pain.

because it’s all that’s left.

there are things I want to say to you,
oh, I just wish I just knew how.
I have tried before,
but I’m just not sure I can.
I wrote a letter. I told you everything.
I left it in the house.
the paper helped the fire,
to burn my memories away.
and I hope they don’t come back.

when the ice melts / tell me what I’ve done wrong. / for this winter, / i lie alone. / trees tower above / with their digits icy, / long fingers reaching in. / I sit still, / my shoelaces neatly tied. / when i cry out / who knows who will hear me. / so tell me. / before I’m lost / in the storm. /

“ i just hope i haven’t ruined everything this time. i hope i can somehow make everything ok. i hope you’ll forgive me. ”

but what’s the point in hoping for something when it isn’t true?

it’s too late now
to think about
what I could have done.
what could have happened.
I don’t know why
it’s something
that’s even
on my mind.
maybe
it’s because
forgetting
is always
the hardest.
because we can’t.
we can’t go back
to try and hope
for something else.
but we still try anyways.
we’re stuck.
and lost.

I wish I could begin
to understand,
but that option
seems long gone
by now.
lost in the dust.
it’s harder to remember,
than it is to forget
but I still try anyways.
I just hope
that I left you off
better than you
left me.

it’s funny.
how just one word
can change so much.
it starts the uncertainty.
the first wave
of many
that’ll come crashing back down
upon me
until I’m stuck
at the bottom.
and I don’t know how to swim.